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Mark Cavendish is a Tour De France star in the making.A sprinter extraordinaire.
So far this year he has won over 80% of all sprints and finished 2nd in the rest.A native of the Isle of Man, he has a certain Scouse twang and (over)confidence about himself.He has not so far acknowledged any Scouse roots but they can't be too far away.Two hours on the Sea-Cat I suspect.His nickname is the Manx Missile and for once he takes time to explain his tactics and strategy.Nothing is left to chance.
Guess that's why he wins so often.On Sunday the tour was in the Pyrenees, not far from the bull run in Pamplona.An opportunity missed.Maybe next year when I am not so unemployed.Also, the last testing stage on this years tour is the dreaded Mount Ventoux.It was on this mountain that our last TDF hero Tom Simpson died by riding himself to death.His last words were 'go on,go on'.Sadly his body wasn't listening.Vive le Tour.Funny how all the podium chicks are pretty white girls.
It would appear by all accounts that some arab or other has just purchased a 60% stake in an unknown premier league club.And yet the press, whose job it is to find out, are singularly unmoved.Why will they not be moved?Is it because it is not Man U,Chelsea or Arsenal :or unlikely, but not impossibly, our bastard child?Well Liverpools Chairman has just resigned and the Secret Sheik has assumed the role of honourary Chairman.Looking at Evertons shareholdings;60% would account for 2 of our major shareholders(Kenwright included).It isn't Villa; they have a sugar daddy.It won't be Tottenhams 'Yid Army' for obvious reasons.Next in line Man City...they've just got some onboard..Wigan..nope....Fulham...they've got Mohammed 'de did Dodi do, didn't de do la' Al Fayed....We're starting to scrape the barrell now.West Ham..they've just been taken over by more bankrupt Icelandics...Portsmouth..they're just southern scummers...Stoke,Wolves,Burnley,Bolton,Blackburn....well you just wouldn't bother your arse with them.So it looks like it may be down to Everton or Liverpool.Could the Yanks bring themselves to work with an arab with more money than them.?.doubt it...could Kenwright offload to someone who doesn't live and breathe the club?...doubt it too.So who the chuff have they invested in, and why all the secrecy?...I'm still searching, religiously, for a clue!
I suppose with the FA Cup Final upon us,some reminiscing is inevitable,as us Evertonians search around for omens that will lead to some long awaited silverware.As a club we have have generally done well down the years.Winning at least one trophy in every decade since we were formed, over 125 years ago, is no mean feat.This is our last chance to do so in the noughties.It has to happen.The Everton fan shown achieved notoriety back in 1966 for becoming the first pitch invader at Wembley; since the whole crowd invaded the pitch, when the Empire Stadium was opened back in 1923.A resident of Two Dogs,Eddie Cavanagh,known locally as 'Tithead' ,due to his loss of hair in later years, could not contain himself after Everton came from 2-0 down to beat Sheffield Wednesday 3-2 in the greatest ever FA Cup Final.What chance this happening again.The odds will be high,no doubt.
But the omens are good.In the Semi-Final that year Everton beat Man Utd(the same as this year) before going on to win the cup.It's got to be worth putting half a crown on!
I've thought for some time now that referees are nowadays primarily there to change the outcome of games, not to referee them.Last night's display by Ovrebo on behalf of UEFA, merely confirmed that.He blatantly ignored a number of 'cast iron' penalty appeals by Chelsea with some bizarre decisions.As an Everton fan, I have lost count of how many times we have been on the receiving end of rough justice.It must happen at least half a dozen times a season.The Hellas Verona fans have a saying for it. 'A Figura di Merda'....loosely translated it means 'this shit happens too often', and ususally against teams with more infuence due to their stature.Clattenburg and Collina have been particularly effective exponents of this approach against the Toffees in recent times.Fortunately neither of them are no longer refereeing.There is no point protesting against it you Chelsea Headhunters,as you well know,the refs decision is final.Welcome to our world.
Before leaving Belgium I had a score to settle.I had heard tell of a little bar down a short impasse(cul de sac in French!) called the Floris Bar.The attraction....... Absinthe.Being a lover of pernod,aniseed ,liquorice and being off my tits;I just had to find it.After two unhappy attempts(well it is in a cul de sac) I caught up with the place.There, in all their grandeur across two bars;over 300 different blends.I couldn't wait.
Not wishing to take any chances I went striaght for the most expensive.7.50 euros.It was served with a spoon,lump of sugar(diabetic my arse) and a cute looking water carrier to allow it to be diluted to suit.This absinthe, called '1901' was absolutely delicious.With subtle flavours of aniseed, liquorice and more aniseed.After 15mins I was starting to get a stupid grin on my face, while feeling very mellow.The second was half the price,was blue in colour(?) and tasted like meths.But given that they were both 70 proof,I was, by now starting to feel very,very mellow and developing a 'vinegar strokes' style facial rictus.
Mad,bad,and dangerous to know.I've got a bottle of the '1901' on order!
Nivelles has recently had it's annual carnival.When I got wind of it, I was a bit sceptical.Belgians/Carnival;well you just don't associate boring Belgians with serious partying do you?Well it won't be no Rio, or so I thought.'Carnivals' in England usually go on for a day,then end up in a riot or a few stabbings.In Nivelles this was serious drinking and partying and more drinking and more partying and and and....
Day 1.The Friday.I got to the bar in the late evening.Most of the young ones were already the worse for wear.For the first time my instincts were telling me that trouble may be around the corner.It was.A young gobshite decided it was Ok to keep repeating "For sure....For sure" in my face. I humoured him.He kept up.I humoured him.As he was about to leave he decided to pour what was left of his drink into my drink.Not funny.Lord Roby had his adams apple between ones thumb and forefinger in no time.The security guy was over like a shot and turfed the gobshite out.Fortunately it was Lord Roby's local and he was the stranger! Lord Roby lasted til 1am and 'retired' pissed.I say retired because the beat of the music and drums was right outside, and below my gaff.It may as well have been in my bedroom!!
It ended at about 5am.At about the same time it started again for Day 2!The Saturday.Saturday I was up for it.An all day sesh!I did my best but was in bed with by midnight.It went on again until 5am.At which point Day 2 ended and Day 3 began.Where were these guys and girls putting it all.The drumming was incessant because everytime a costumed carnival goer moves,the tradition is that a drummer follows them.Even for a pee!The Sunday,Day 3,I had plans to drive into Germany.I had had no sleep for the second night, so I decided to go out for a coffee at 10am.
As I negotiated the drunks on my doorstep a Belgette confronted me with a free glass of Champagne.Some things I never refuse.As it happened I had a bottle of LP in the fridge.By midday I/we were blitzed on bubbly.This carnival just got better.The Belgettes were dangerously drunk by now.Lord Roby managed to slip off to bed for a couple of hours before the 'Parade' started.The parade was a 500 strong procession of various factions.Some men only ,some girls only,others for kids as well,and some parodies,like " Shalom Rabbi" which just repeated the same song and dance for days on end, all dressed in orthodox Jewish costume.
Sunday night I had to 'cool' it, as I had work the next day at 7am.No point.The partying went on in my absence.No sleep again.The party ended(thankfully) AT 5AM.Day 4.The Monday.This is the day for the locals to celebrate(as if they haven't already).The evening was a family affair, after a day of throwing thousands of blood oranges around.Day 4 ended with burning of effigies over birch twigs in a pagan stylee,while all the locals sang in tongues and swayed.It was all getting a bit like an episode of the Avengers.But nontheless pleasant.I got to bed at about midnight.The party went on.No sleep again.The drumming was by now monotonous in the extreme.
I got home on Tuesday,Day 5 and it was still going on.It ended at 8pm with a firework display right outside my window.I had survived it.
This carnival is repeated on consecutive weekends throughout Spring,albeit in different towns,for 3 months...to banish the Winter.Who says the Belgians are boring!
Well the inevitable finally happened. A Belgian kiss! I didn't even ask for it or give him permission.I just leaned forward to hear him a bit better, amongst the noise of the carnival.Honest! And he took this bob as a come on.I'm worried now that if I bump into him tonight, for round two of the carnival, that he will expect me to return the 'favour'.Am I now his Belgian Bitch?. It's been 5 months in coming.Is there a waiting list for Belgian kisses?Do you have to earn your lips? As luck would have it there quite a few more today.Thankfully they were all from Belgettes.Strange then that all this affection should come after my first run-in with a local gobshite the night before.I guess the Carnival brings out the best and the worst in some people.Vive La carnival.
