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'I'd like to play a game, that is so much fun and it's not so very hard to do.....'.So why make it more difficult than it is for England, by being hell bent on sending off as many players as possible on Saturday.The other day I found this guy,slightly amusing,regardless of his intentions.Now he is really starting to worry me! Today's news is that this joker and his officials have: 'learned 20 English swearwords'...'we can't do this in all languages'...No!, that would be too much like a level playing field.No victimisation there then.And who's to say he will understand,Stevie Geeeeelaaaa or Wayne Rooney's broad scouse accent anyway.And just how does 'Soft-Shite' translate in Portuguese? I just might do a spread bet on there being a world record low number of players to finish a World Cup match on Saturday.Oh and the song 'Simple Simon Says' was sung by The 1910 Fruitgum Company.Struth!!!
This is the start of what I hope, won't become a regular feature over the coming weeks.World Cup Bastardi Watch.To the unenlightened, 'The Bastardi' are those individuals or collectives that conspire to prevent your team from winning a game that they ought to.The above.. 'crook,scoundrel and shameless bastard' to quote the Palmeiras manager from his native Brazil, is about to officiate on England's opening game against the USA.Another quote from the same man Luis Gonzaga Belluzo.'He must be in someone's pocket,if I met him on the street would slap him'.Wherever this guy goes,controversy inevitably follows.He has previously been banned for 'a repetition of mistakes' .Blatter and Platini you have a lot to answer for already.
Stop Press: Gareth Barry won't now be fit for our opening and most difficult qualifier......ET TU FABIO....
With all the fine weather we have been having of late, it was inevitable there would be some wildlife casualties.The little chap above must have been indulging in a bit of badders by moonlight.Maybe he tried to jump the net at the end of his game.Either way in the cold light of day he was well and truly snared.I don't get to see enough hedgehogs and even fewer baby ones.Anyone know what they are called,hoglets maybe?...The trouble with this one was that he didn't know when he was onto a good thing.Everytime I got the scissors anywhere near him he just locked himself away.Since I didn't have any chloroform to hand I decided to play the waiting game.Maybe the dog food would tempt him.We all know how much they love a bowl of Chum.After about 2 hours of to-ing and fro-ing, the last of the net was finally snipped and he was free to go aforaging, without so much as a by your leave.Just another summers day in Two Dogs.
This event reminded me; when four Liverpool fans were playing football with a hedgehog right outside my house.I was absolutely disgusted.Just as I was about to ring the RSPCA, I heard a blood curdling squeal.As I turned to look, my horror turned to joy when I realised the hedgehog had gone 1 nil up! Some things never change.
Round about this time of year,I usually get the feeling that my luck is about to change.Could it be because I'm an Aries child or could it be something to do with the pesky Pisky I carry around with me(and have done since I was 9!) wherever I go.Generally, I have always been a lucky bar-steward, and I know Napolean preferred his bar-stewards to be of the lucky variety,but this time of year my luck usually goes into overdrive.This year has been no different.At the beginning of the month I entered a competition to win two VIP tickets worth over £400 for a glittering prize.The tickets were for the Everton FC 25th Anniversary of the last time we had a great team! The reason I entered was that, the closing date for the competion was 3 DAYS BEFORE the competition was announced on the club website.I smelt a rat.Somebody at the club had messed up.Within a hour the competition had been relegated to the achives.I knew I was onto something.Only 6 punters had seen the article.The gala night was also only 3 days away.So over the weekend I emailed the contact to find out when the winners would be announced.I was told the winners would find out on Sunday.Sunday came and went.But on Monday, the day of the event,I got the call to say I had won the tickets! I love it when a plan comes together.And what a night it was.Black tie,Champagne all the way,a meal,and a photo call with the class of 85.I was like a kid in a sweetshop.
We are only halfway through the month and I get a call from an anxious owner of a lap dancing bar in the city.He was having some problems with his licence application and could I help! Like Mr Wolf in Pulp Fiction,I was there before he put the phone down.It's a hard life!
With all this waxing lyrical by Vinogirl about daffodils,it brought to mind a strange tale I once read about.The two gentlemen above are the most unlikely of co-conspirators.One is former poet laureate William Wordsworth the other, none other than the notorious Fletcher Christian.Both went to the same school,Cockermouth Free School and both came from powerful local families.Indeed, Christian was a direct descendant of both William the Conqueror and Edward 1.After Mr Christian had had his wicked way with Captain William Bligh he holed up in the Pitcairn isles for the rest of his natural.Or did he? Rumours abound in the Lake District that the Wordsworth family, who were prominent lawyers, harboured Mr Christian after he returned to Blighty.The Pitcairn Islands,for which this is about the only thing they are famous for, aren't to forthcoming on his demise or the circumstances surrounding it.There are a number of conflicting tales,but nothing definitive.Strange then; that all the mutineers have a grave on the Pitcairn Islands.....except for one.Yes you've guessed it Fletcher Christian!!
One thing however, is a matter of fact.While he was Poet Laureate, William Wordsworth did not write a single line of poetry,not a jot,a couplet or a sonnet.Now that's what I call ,money for old rope!
The first little boy was brought up red.His first football kit was red and he was taken to see Liverpool bring home the FA cup in 1965,his idol was Roger Hunt and he used to go to the Liverpool training ground for autographs.......The second little boy wasn't taken to see Everton bring home the FA cup in 1966 and wasn't bought a blue kit.But the second little boy was taken to see Everton versus Leeds in 1969 by his sisters boyfriend.It was a packet of crisps and a bottle of pop at the Farmers Arms and then down to the Eagle and Child for the charrabang to Goodison Park.It was a glorious summers day in August and the blues won 3-2.On the way home Alan Ball cruised by in his gold Sunbeam Rapier shouting to the fans out of the window.After this there was no going back.My head had been completely turned.Being a turncoat has never been something that you shout from the rooftops on Merseyside,ask Steven Gerrard!...,and there have been a few times since when my faith has been tested.Not least of which was that night in Instanbul when I ended up underneath a pile of rabid celebrating Liverpool fans.It was the last place in the world I wanted to be!!! But I've had some great times down the years following the blues through thin and thinner.It's got to the point where Lady Roby has accused me of loving Everton more than her!!...there was only one answer to that...."Effin Hell,I love Liverpool more than you!"
The little beauty of a medal above is interesting on a number of levels.Transcribed on the obverse is the following." Everton Football Club 1890-1891". Now a little bird once told me that the Liver Bird, so revered by our illustrious neighbours Liverpool FC, used to belong to Everton FC!! At first I liked the idea of it but could not substantiate this unlikely fact.That is until you delve into the history of the aforementioned medal.In 1890-91 Everton won the league title for the first time.Since the previous winners Preston N.E. had nothing to show for their efforts; Everton decided to commemorate this and cast the medal shown.Thereby inventing the league championship medal.One of our many footballing firsts.Look closer into the heart ot the medal and you will see a certain little dicky bird.The Liver Bird no less.Doesn't prove anything.....except that it does,when you realise Liverpool FC were not established until 1892!! How and when it was stolen from us, is still a mystery.However, in this Derby week and in the spirit of reconciliation, I think it's about time this little dicky bird found it's way home to roost.Dont you?
