It's All In the Game

Next Sunday is Derby Day.But for the first time ever there is no talk of football, only questions of ownership and owners for the red half of the city.What will be the outcome of the High Court on the 12th of October?,after the RBS injunction to stop G and T sacking the board are Liverpool already in administration?,will Liverpool be deducted points just as Southampton were when Southampton Leisure Holdings were consumed by their bank?,is 'Harry Kim' just a patsy for G and T or will he....'make it so'? Will any of this make a blind bit of difference when the game kicks off on Sunday? Not one jot. As Joe Royle the ex-Everton player and manager once said,..'In the Merseyside derby the players kick lumps out of each other for the first 20mins......and then they throw the ball on.!!! 'And guess what? We wouldn't have it any other way.We don't care if the rest of the country find in manic,brutal and devoid of anything that resembles cultured football.It's our battle.So come Sunday,let battle commence, but don't expect me for one to enjoy a single minute of it.Pleasure has got absolutely nothing to do with it.

Needles and Pins

A friend of mine recently had the misfortune to fall down this gaping chasm while walking his dog on the park, opposite where he lives.Injury and compensation set in very shortly after.I mean how dumb does your average contractor have to be, to realise that leaving a quagmire like this on a public park is likely to result in at least one claim for compo.The thing is;my friend has confided in me that he is injured,but not that badly.In fact, he has a long standing back injury which is giving him way more 'jip'.....The dilemma is; to maximise the claim the injury needs to be prolonged,which means medicals,physiotherapy and all the usual palava.During the course of this my friend was recommended for acupuncture.Being a scientist he was rather sceptical of this dark oriental homeopathic treatment.Concerned that refusing this time wasting therapy may raise suspicions my friend went ahead with it.To his total suprise the treatment worked.After 15mins of painless puncturing my friend left the physiotherapist feeling rather invigorated and totally pain free for the first time in years.However,my friend now has a dilemma.....does he for purely fiscal reasons, keep schtum or does he congratulate his therapist and stay true to his scientific priciples......Lord Roby being of the aristocracy would obviously 'do the right thing'......But what should his 'friend' do?

Barbed Wire Love

While reading The Guardian today in a rather upmarket 'greasy spoon' in the leafy Liverpool surburb of Mossley Hill, Lord Roby came upon this rather disturbing story of Arab-Israeli disharmony.Sabbar Kushor an Israeli of Arab descent introduced himself as a Jewish batchelor seeking a serious relationship with a Jewish woman.The Jewish woman who,he had consensual sex with shortly after, in downtown east Jerusalem, subsequently found out the truth about his Arab upbringing and filed criminal charges of rape.Sabbar Kushor was sentenced to 18 months in prison on Monday.The judge declaring 'the court is obliged to protect the public interest from sophisticated smooth tongued criminals, who can deceive innocent victims at an unbearable price,the sanctity of their bodies and souls' Is this literally a case of where 'Yes' means 'No'? My overriding concern in all this;is that when I met Lady Roby(a staunch Liverpool fan) in The Sausage Factory all them years ago,I'm pretty sure I told her I was an Evertonian BEFORE the relationship was consummated !!! Didn't I ?

Goosey Goosey Gander

It has come to my attention that all is not well in Camp Goodison.Why ever not you may ask? Well one of our ducklings (an ugly one I might add) has toddled off.He must have been unhappy then.He was,he had just shook hands on a 100% wage rise,to take him to £15000 a week, after all.What then could make him so unhappy that he just had to leave.Greed.
This miserable,no good,ungrateful,badly injured footballer realised that, because the club had not put the offer in writing he just may be able to walk away 'on a free' thereby guaranteeing him a hefty signing on fee.As usual, the FA judged against us,even though we still have a legally binding contract for another 12 months.I can't believe the FA think that they are above the law of the land,but apparently any appeal is 'doomed to fail'.Goslings reward will be to sign for either West Ham(barely avoided relegation last year), Newcastle(haven't won the league since 1927) or Sunderland(well you just wouldn't go there would you?).Every time he returns to Goodison from now on he will rue the day,I guarantee.A little bit of me hopes he gets to see out his last12 months of misery with the club, preferably, in the stiffs.Gosling,go sling yer hook!
Everton: Love The Club,Hate the Players!
P.S. He can't play for at four months due a serious knee injury.Bring on the baseball bats.

Accidents Will Happen

Now that the dust has settled on our inglorious exit from the World Cup,it occured to me that Mitzi Muller would have no difficulty outrunning our so called 'defence'.Was it an accident that any player with any pace was deselected to make the final squad? Was it an accident that Capello took a few crocks along to make up the numbers? Was it an accident that John Terry decided to hold an unofficial press conference? Was it another accident that JT organised an 'impromptu' huddle at the end of the Slovakia game when clearly that is for the captain to orchestrate? Was it an accident that JT appeared unable to accept that he was NOT captain anymore; and appeared to be trying to undermine the person who took away the captaincy from him at every opportunity?
Disasters usually need three things to conspire to cause them.In this case,it was having a manager that didn't care,a team that didn't care; and even if they did care they didn't have the one pre-requisite that all modern day footballers need, to make it past the academy stage;PACE !! This was an accident waiting to happen and the only saving grace was that it wasn't the Argies that got to exact the coup de grace!
And is it possible to have an accidental conspiracy? Mmmm!

Mellow Yellow

In an effort to keep up with the Jones's i.e. Vinogirl and her wines and Thud and his cider making,Lord Roby has decided to venture forth.The drink above is home made Limoncello.Inspired by the Hellas Verona fans in Italy, who faithfully imbibe this liquor on the way to away games,and home games, for that matter.After a week or so brewing; I approached it with trepidation after the England vs Algeria game.There was no need,it was an unqualified success.After a few snifters of this brew to add to the numerous pints that went before,I was absolutely mullered.And to think I only made it with 40 proof alcohol.The Italians, for whom every family has their own recipe,generally make it with 95 proof alcohol!! Lets hope we don't get 'Mullered' by the Germans tomorrow,one night of this stuff was quite enough thanks.

World Cup Bastardi Watch 1

The Malian referee above excelled himslf on behalf of 'The Bastardi' the other night.How? By deciding that 5 Slovenian players holding,dragging and shirt-pulling,5 USA players constitutes a foul to Slovenia!!!! Consequently,he disallowed a perfectly good USA goal,which would have won the game for America ,thus crowning a remarkable comeback, from 2 goals down at half-time.The only reason for this, that I can formulate is; that the USA weren't supposed to win!! Apparently,'The Bastardi' are going to look into it on Monday.Yeah! just like they 'loooked into' Henri's handball winner against Ireland.In France's case lets hope their demise/disintegration is a case of 'what goes around,comes around'.In America's case, does anyone really think that anything other than a funny handshake will prevail?