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Perversion reached new highs(or should that be lows) recently when Kieron Bobbette pleaded guilty to 5 counts of sexual assault at Hove Crown Court.His 'crime'...was chasing teenage girls until he was able to ride piggyback on them!! Bobette (no relation to John Wayne Bobbit or John Wayne for that matter) "denied that any sexual gratification was involved but accepted that there was a sexual element in the offences".The new offence of "Bobbetteing" has now entered the criminal psyche.Beware...what next?..The playground game of "May I" will only be acceptable if the answer is "Yes you may",Will "Floretta" be outlawed for fear of paedo attraction.And what about (god forbid).. the "Three legged race"!!!! Can you imagine poor Bobbette in the 'Nonce Wing' of the local jail. "And what you in here for.....Errr Piggyback riding" I guess it takes all sorts Bertie.....Anyone for Wheelbarrows?
Last weekend Lord Roby was at a loose end.To spice things up a little he decided to have a little flutter.There is a new kinda bet in town.It's called Goals Galore.The premise is quite simple.All you have to do is pick football matches in which both teams will score.The more you get right,the more you win.However, get one wrong and it's curtains.Being a greedy bastard ,Lord Roby went for ten! If nothing else at least I would have plenty of scanning to do as the results started to come in.The first six came in rather quickly.Sheff Weds 1 -QPR 2,Aston Villa 5-Bolton 1,ManCity 3- Burnley 3, Wigan 1-Fulham 1,Falkirk who were bottom of the league drew 3-3 with Celtic who were top after being 0-0 at half-time! Number 6 was Blackpool 4,Scunthorpe 1.I was now starting to twitch The problem was that time was running out.Newcastle were winning 3-0,Tottenham were winning 1-0, and Blackburn were winning 3-0,but worst of all Notts Forest were drawing 0-0.Things were beginning to look hopeless until Portsmouth scored against Blackburn.7 up! With 10 minutes to go Peterborough pulled a goal back against Newcastle.Then with 5 minutes to go Notts Forest broke the deadlock.All I could do was stare at the TV and will the other two to score.Stone me! In the last minute Bristol City scored an equaliser!!!! I was now panting/ hyperventilating.All that left, was Sunderland to score. And then........the Sunderland and England striker Darren Bent breaks clear.Clean through on goal.The goalkeeper pulls him down.Penalty!! (and the goalkeeper sent off!!!!) Except, the referee inexplicably decides to only show the keeper a yellow card.Darren Bent steps against his old club and the keeper who isn't supposed to be there, saves his penalty.Bastardo!!! Tottenham run out 2-0 winners.If the penalty had been scored my meagre £3 bet would have returned the princely sum of £2103.The way things are at the moment the only luck I am getting is bad luck.Say La V
Jamie Janes: An apology from Jocky Brown
Janie Jones was a great soldier.Unfortunately one day his Ford Cortina just ran out of fuel on the battlefield.My sympathies go out to his mother Jack Jones.
As a soldier Jimmy James was no slouch,nor was he a vagabond.He was just working for the clampdown.His 'Mary Doll' said 'if he had had any career opportunities he wouldnae have been there at all.'
As a soldier Jim Jams worked tirelessly for his troop.Often going days without sleep chasing insurgents.
As a soldier Jammie Jim was no dodger.To imply that, really is taking the biscuit!
If there any typos in this please forgive me as I only have one eye,..it's Brown...and I frequently talk out of it !!
RIP Jamie Janes....It's hard to defend yourself when all you have is a snub nosed 44.
'ELEVATOR GOING UP'
Somethings are beyond my comprehension.Not many.But some.The stance being taken by Liverpool and Man Utd over displaying poppies on their shirts this week-end is one of those incomprehensible things. Of all teams, both of these should know better.We have had many reminders down the years on the anniversary of the Munich air disaster in 1958 and it's effect on Man Utd and it's fans.Also,every year Liverpool steadfastly refuse to play on the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster.In fact they even lobbied UEFA to prevent a european game being staged on April 15th.The reason given for not displaying poppies, in both cases was..'we do enough for the armed forces as it is'. It's not the fans idea,and I'm pretty sure it's not the players idea.That leaves the Chief Exec and the owners.In both cases American.But why should American owners have an axe to grind? If it's the cost of a new strip for a day,then the shirts would instantly become collectors items and could auctioned off at a profit,with the proceeds going to the Haig Fund; which is exactly what most clubs are doing.Man Utd stuck to their guns and played today without a poppy in sight.Liverpool play tomorrow.Lets hope they have a change of heart at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month......
Only last week the two people above achieved greatness.Both were crowned world champions on the same day.Jenson Button won the Formula 1 title and Beth Tweddle became World Gymnastics champion(our first ever).Jenson,a self confessed playboy, no doubt spends a lot of his time in and around Park Lane,London.Young Beth spends most of her time in and around Park Road Gym,Liverpool.When asked why he thought if he had suffered for his success Jenson replied 'the G forces when cornering are like having your face ripped off!'.Believe me;if you hang aroung Park Road corners too long, in Liverpool, you will have your face ripped off!! Oh!, and Jenson was also man enough to take a £5m pay cut.Oh the humanity! I'm sure Beth would love to take a £5m pay cut too.Why the indignation? Well within minutes of winning the title,Jenson received warm congratulations from Gordon Brown.As far as I know Beth is still waiting for hers.By all accounts Beth is the perfect role model for kids and spends lots of time giving support to others and attending awards ceremonies.It looks like Gordon would rather revere someone who sits on his arse for a living, rather than someone who is a genuine inspiration to kids with no apparent prospects.When it come to Sports Personality of the Year; I know where my vote is going,and it wont be down Park Lane.
I had the good fortune of a visit from this magnificent beast in my garden recently.I guess it wasn't so fortunate for the Blackbird that was immobilised by it's mighty talons.I was transfixed by this Sparrowhawk for about five minutes, as it slowly crushed the life out of the unfortunate 'Blackie'.It was completely unperturbed by anything around it and the cacophany of squawking from all the other birds nearby.If it had had been a cat,I would have chased it.But,I somehow felt priviliged to have it pay me a visit.After a few tasty morsels, for good measure, it gathered up its prey are carted it off to it's stash.I know; I should know better and only put food on the bird table.But,then if I had,I would never have had the pleasure of a close encounter with it.
The guy on the left of the above photo is none other than Tony Kay.For those who seen him play,he was one of the best players ever to wear the shirt and destined to become England captain for the 1966 World Cup.Bought from Sheffield Wednesday for a then record fee of £60,000 back in 1962.It all came unstuck when a certain Kelvin Mc Kenzie,then a fledgling reporter with the Sunday People,broke the story in 1964, that Tony had bet on a Sheff Wed game to lose, while he was playing for them.They lost.However,Tony was given the man of the match award for that game!! Guess he must have been trying too hard to lose.Tony was one of the first people to be convicted by taped evidence,even though it was impossible to hear what was on the tape! There was also no evidence that he had bet on any other game.Yet,he was convicted and sent to jug for 4 months.Following this he was declared 'sine die' by the FA,never to play professional football again.Everton,the innocent party in all this received no compensation for loss of his services.Strange then that only last week, Accrington Stanley player Peter Cavanagh received only an 8 month ban and a paltry fine for the same offence, while Tony Kay was convicted of 'conspiracy to defraud' and ultimately to lose his livelihood.As an aside; the Kray twins were particularly concerned about this new method of gathering evidence by tape recorder and duly 'requested' Tonys presence in the The Blind Beggar.Initially he resisted, but the Krays eventually got their man.Unlike Everton who lost theirs forever.
