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The first little boy was brought up red.His first football kit was red and he was taken to see Liverpool bring home the FA cup in 1965,his idol was Roger Hunt and he used to go to the Liverpool training ground for autographs.......The second little boy wasn't taken to see Everton bring home the FA cup in 1966 and wasn't bought a blue kit.But the second little boy was taken to see Everton versus Leeds in 1969 by his sisters boyfriend.It was a packet of crisps and a bottle of pop at the Farmers Arms and then down to the Eagle and Child for the charrabang to Goodison Park.It was a glorious summers day in August and the blues won 3-2.On the way home Alan Ball cruised by in his gold Sunbeam Rapier shouting to the fans out of the window.After this there was no going back.My head had been completely turned.Being a turncoat has never been something that you shout from the rooftops on Merseyside,ask Steven Gerrard!...,and there have been a few times since when my faith has been tested.Not least of which was that night in Instanbul when I ended up underneath a pile of rabid celebrating Liverpool fans.It was the last place in the world I wanted to be!!! But I've had some great times down the years following the blues through thin and thinner.It's got to the point where Lady Roby has accused me of loving Everton more than her!!...there was only one answer to that...."Effin Hell,I love Liverpool more than you!"
The little beauty of a medal above is interesting on a number of levels.Transcribed on the obverse is the following." Everton Football Club 1890-1891". Now a little bird once told me that the Liver Bird, so revered by our illustrious neighbours Liverpool FC, used to belong to Everton FC!! At first I liked the idea of it but could not substantiate this unlikely fact.That is until you delve into the history of the aforementioned medal.In 1890-91 Everton won the league title for the first time.Since the previous winners Preston N.E. had nothing to show for their efforts; Everton decided to commemorate this and cast the medal shown.Thereby inventing the league championship medal.One of our many footballing firsts.Look closer into the heart ot the medal and you will see a certain little dicky bird.The Liver Bird no less.Doesn't prove anything.....except that it does,when you realise Liverpool FC were not established until 1892!! How and when it was stolen from us, is still a mystery.However, in this Derby week and in the spirit of reconciliation, I think it's about time this little dicky bird found it's way home to roost.Dont you?
After a pretty ropey Christmas and New Year due to family problems allied to a car crash just before Christmas; I was beginning to wonder when I was going to get my smile back.Would it be the blues on the way up,or maybe the reds on the way down.Nope neither.The ongoing saga of the car crash has finally borne some fruit.Since liability for the accident was admitted within 24 hours,I felt I had a pretty strong hand.So imagine my dismay when I was offered a Skoda(?) to replace my treasured Audi A6 Quattro.Something didn't add up.So I knocked it back.I was then advised that my choices where limited due to my car being over 6 years old;the best they could do was a Ford Mondeo.Sorry,not havin it! After a few heated discussions my solicitor contacted them with a few home truths.Bingo! A Mercerdes C180K Sport arrived first.Next day, a call asking would I like to swap for a Mercedes S Class.Yes please! Then today, another call telling me that there was a Jaguar XF with my name on it, if I wanted it for the duration.I haven't stopped smiling all day.Even after Liverpool winning.What a beast.I would never have believed a diesel could go so fast or be so damn beautiful.I suppose it's a triumph for doggedness above all else.I think I'll be sleeping with the 'cat' tonight.
Perversion reached new highs(or should that be lows) recently when Kieron Bobbette pleaded guilty to 5 counts of sexual assault at Hove Crown Court.His 'crime'...was chasing teenage girls until he was able to ride piggyback on them!! Bobette (no relation to John Wayne Bobbit or John Wayne for that matter) "denied that any sexual gratification was involved but accepted that there was a sexual element in the offences".The new offence of "Bobbetteing" has now entered the criminal psyche.Beware...what next?..The playground game of "May I" will only be acceptable if the answer is "Yes you may",Will "Floretta" be outlawed for fear of paedo attraction.And what about (god forbid).. the "Three legged race"!!!! Can you imagine poor Bobbette in the 'Nonce Wing' of the local jail. "And what you in here for.....Errr Piggyback riding" I guess it takes all sorts Bertie.....Anyone for Wheelbarrows?
Last weekend Lord Roby was at a loose end.To spice things up a little he decided to have a little flutter.There is a new kinda bet in town.It's called Goals Galore.The premise is quite simple.All you have to do is pick football matches in which both teams will score.The more you get right,the more you win.However, get one wrong and it's curtains.Being a greedy bastard ,Lord Roby went for ten! If nothing else at least I would have plenty of scanning to do as the results started to come in.The first six came in rather quickly.Sheff Weds 1 -QPR 2,Aston Villa 5-Bolton 1,ManCity 3- Burnley 3, Wigan 1-Fulham 1,Falkirk who were bottom of the league drew 3-3 with Celtic who were top after being 0-0 at half-time! Number 6 was Blackpool 4,Scunthorpe 1.I was now starting to twitch The problem was that time was running out.Newcastle were winning 3-0,Tottenham were winning 1-0, and Blackburn were winning 3-0,but worst of all Notts Forest were drawing 0-0.Things were beginning to look hopeless until Portsmouth scored against Blackburn.7 up! With 10 minutes to go Peterborough pulled a goal back against Newcastle.Then with 5 minutes to go Notts Forest broke the deadlock.All I could do was stare at the TV and will the other two to score.Stone me! In the last minute Bristol City scored an equaliser!!!! I was now panting/ hyperventilating.All that left, was Sunderland to score. And then........the Sunderland and England striker Darren Bent breaks clear.Clean through on goal.The goalkeeper pulls him down.Penalty!! (and the goalkeeper sent off!!!!) Except, the referee inexplicably decides to only show the keeper a yellow card.Darren Bent steps against his old club and the keeper who isn't supposed to be there, saves his penalty.Bastardo!!! Tottenham run out 2-0 winners.If the penalty had been scored my meagre £3 bet would have returned the princely sum of £2103.The way things are at the moment the only luck I am getting is bad luck.Say La V
Jamie Janes: An apology from Jocky Brown
Janie Jones was a great soldier.Unfortunately one day his Ford Cortina just ran out of fuel on the battlefield.My sympathies go out to his mother Jack Jones.
As a soldier Jimmy James was no slouch,nor was he a vagabond.He was just working for the clampdown.His 'Mary Doll' said 'if he had had any career opportunities he wouldnae have been there at all.'
As a soldier Jim Jams worked tirelessly for his troop.Often going days without sleep chasing insurgents.
As a soldier Jammie Jim was no dodger.To imply that, really is taking the biscuit!
If there any typos in this please forgive me as I only have one eye,..it's Brown...and I frequently talk out of it !!
RIP Jamie Janes....It's hard to defend yourself when all you have is a snub nosed 44.
'ELEVATOR GOING UP'
Somethings are beyond my comprehension.Not many.But some.The stance being taken by Liverpool and Man Utd over displaying poppies on their shirts this week-end is one of those incomprehensible things. Of all teams, both of these should know better.We have had many reminders down the years on the anniversary of the Munich air disaster in 1958 and it's effect on Man Utd and it's fans.Also,every year Liverpool steadfastly refuse to play on the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster.In fact they even lobbied UEFA to prevent a european game being staged on April 15th.The reason given for not displaying poppies, in both cases was..'we do enough for the armed forces as it is'. It's not the fans idea,and I'm pretty sure it's not the players idea.That leaves the Chief Exec and the owners.In both cases American.But why should American owners have an axe to grind? If it's the cost of a new strip for a day,then the shirts would instantly become collectors items and could auctioned off at a profit,with the proceeds going to the Haig Fund; which is exactly what most clubs are doing.Man Utd stuck to their guns and played today without a poppy in sight.Liverpool play tomorrow.Lets hope they have a change of heart at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month......
