Sunday, 24 October 2010

Wake Up And Smell the Offy

Last night the Roby's attended a wedding reception at the presigious Grosvenor Hotel in Chester.The night started with a bang.A charrabang to be precise.We left the equally impressive venue of St Georges Hall in Liverpool with the prophetic words of our cheeky chappie driver ringing in our ears.' I'll stop off at an 'Offy'(off licence) on the way.The bar prices are 5 star to say the least'.He duly obliged and pockets were stuffed with 250ml bottles of Stowells finest and cheap Vodka.The Grosvenor was almost everything I expected.Great venue,great food, good quality drinks and excellent service.Apart from the bar staff that is.What I didn't expect was thieving bar stewards.You see the young Duchess of Roby prefers Rose wine, which was in short supply at the offy. At £5.25, a 175 ml glass it was rather pricey, but what the Duchess wants,the Duchess gets.After a couple if glasses I commented that she was quaffing quicker than usual.After showing me the glass she had just bought I knew why.One thing Lord Roby does know is; how many glasses make a bottle of wine!!I offered to buy the next.I was served up about a 100ml of wine.Immediately I advised the thief that the measure was way short.To which he replied...'You want a real glass of wine?'....Q.E.D.

As an addendum, the happy couple Keiron Mc Ging and his beautiful Asian wife,Ming Sing were oblivious to all this.Well for £20,000 you want everything to be perfect don't you? I don't know yet whether Ming Sing will be taking he husbands name or not.Well would you?

Thursday, 14 October 2010

The Way We Were.

Eno Eroutor,Lukwesa Burak,Zeinab Badawi........Terrorists perhaps?.....asylum seekers? axle hangers?.....No actually they are common(?) or garden newsreaders in todays multi-cultural UKistan.Whatever happened to Reggie Bosanquet,Fenella Fudge and Gordon Honeycombe? Ah.. the good old days.Did you know the good old days are always 50 years ago? Did you know nostalgia literally means 'old pain'. Does that mean neuralgia means 'new pain'??? And did you know the man himself Gordon Honeycombe was a rabid Evertonian? Guess not.And why on earth would somebody who was born in Karachi and probably never set foot on Merseyside choose to worship at the altar of St Domingo?As Bertie Bassett once said 'I guess it takes allsorts'!

Monday, 11 October 2010

It's All In the Game

Next Sunday is Derby Day.But for the first time ever there is no talk of football, only questions of ownership and owners for the red half of the city.What will be the outcome of the High Court on the 12th of October?,after the RBS injunction to stop G and T sacking the board are Liverpool already in administration?,will Liverpool be deducted points just as Southampton were when Southampton Leisure Holdings were consumed by their bank?,is 'Harry Kim' just a patsy for G and T or will he....'make it so'? Will any of this make a blind bit of difference when the game kicks off on Sunday? Not one jot. As Joe Royle the ex-Everton player and manager once said,..'In the Merseyside derby the players kick lumps out of each other for the first 20mins......and then they throw the ball on.!!! 'And guess what? We wouldn't have it any other way.We don't care if the rest of the country find in manic,brutal and devoid of anything that resembles cultured football.It's our battle.So come Sunday,let battle commence, but don't expect me for one to enjoy a single minute of it.Pleasure has got absolutely nothing to do with it.

Friday, 8 October 2010

Needles and Pins

A friend of mine recently had the misfortune to fall down this gaping chasm while walking his dog on the park, opposite where he lives.Injury and compensation set in very shortly after.I mean how dumb does your average contractor have to be, to realise that leaving a quagmire like this on a public park is likely to result in at least one claim for compo.The thing is;my friend has confided in me that he is injured,but not that badly.In fact, he has a long standing back injury which is giving him way more 'jip'.....The dilemma is; to maximise the claim the injury needs to be prolonged,which means medicals,physiotherapy and all the usual palava.During the course of this my friend was recommended for acupuncture.Being a scientist he was rather sceptical of this dark oriental homeopathic treatment.Concerned that refusing this time wasting therapy may raise suspicions my friend went ahead with it.To his total suprise the treatment worked.After 15mins of painless puncturing my friend left the physiotherapist feeling rather invigorated and totally pain free for the first time in years.However,my friend now has a dilemma.....does he for purely fiscal reasons, keep schtum or does he congratulate his therapist and stay true to his scientific priciples......Lord Roby being of the aristocracy would obviously 'do the right thing'......But what should his 'friend' do?