As Chaz Az once warbled.....Lord Roby was viciously assaulted twice in the space of 20 minues in downtown Wallonia a few evenings ago.Shortly after entering a local hostelry by the name of "The Pilgrim" (no less).Lord Roby, after explaining that he had prior knowledge of a house of the same name in the backwaters of Liverpool,was assaulted with a potion of strange looking liquor.Amber in colour and barely above freezing point.He was obliged to swallow this liquid known locally as the "Duvels Brew" by a man known only as "Le Proprietor".Once this ordeal was "over" a copycat event occured.Two local studettes, reading scriptures from a strange looking tome,approached the by now light headed Lord Roby and demanded he chant verses in tongues(his native tongue); from this ghastly bible.Lord Roby duly obliged.Yet again, immediately after succumbing to this ordeal, a further yard of this potion was proferred.Not more icey yellow filth to imbibe.Was this ever going to end.Whats more, the Duvels Daughters where getting rather too close for comfort.The thought of Lady Roby analysing my cojones for earring piercings was enough to make one exit stage left; feeling very mellow and slightly bemused by this unsolicited attention.Vive Le Baps!!
Things in Wallonia ain't all beer and chocolates.The locals do have some strange ways.One of which is eating cakes with a knife and fork!....The dirty bastards.Another is the fact that they would quite willingly eat Red Rum or Mr Ed!....The dirty bastards.A third is a 'dish' called American.The only thing that sets this food apart from dog food is that at least dog food has some taste.It also has no smell.Oh! and it's also served cold...The dirty bastards.But the one thing that I will never understand is their predeliction for inspecting their own shite every morning.The WC's are designed to facilitate this by having a dainty little Royal Doulton ledge upon which to catch their morning constitutional.Inspection is obligatory....The dirty bastards.In fact I am contemplating a blog bubble to participate in this sport.No narrative,just a picture of the days offerings with a caption along the lines of ..'Kop for this one,I nearly choked on this little beauty;the extractor just couldn't cope.'The blog title "Mi Merda Tu Merda"
One of the things about living and working in Wallonia is the importance they make of meeting and greeting.A handshake is obligatory.Kisses are just for the born and bred.If I am attending a meeting the first five minutes are spent walking around the table shaking hands with everybody.The thing is, it is something I have always been big on.It really does engender commaraderie.The kisses are very disconcerting.I'm sure if my lingo improves then one of the locals might just try it on.Even though it might be flattering a "Kirkby Kiss" will be the most likely retort!
Well done Lord Roby.On the back of desperately high blood pressure and the onset of dibetes; and a less than impressive recent career history,I got the job.Now firmly ensconced in Wallonia and mightily impressed by the place too! I'm sure the place has it's problems,but a problem here is a solution back in Two Dogs. I could go on about the place for hours,but the overriding pleasure is the unfettered existence I now ENJOY.Its such a simple pleasure but one which I had forgotten existed.Liberty Egality Fraternity is the glue of this society,defended to the hilt by it's participants.No cameras,no parking restrictions,no speed 'control' measures.In fact I have only encountered ONE traffic light in over two weeks.Needless to say it got me.I have also been afforded a nice apartment just a stones-throw from the Grand Place.As if this wasn't enough the owners have installed a velux window in my living room, which enables me to admire the efforts of the local ballerinas, in the dance school opposite while quaffing a glass of claret.Boy do they work up a sweat!!!.....Vive La Difference!
Upper Working Class Evertonian made good.Used to be Working Class.Hates injustice particularly by bent referees and detests bad service but loves life and all that it brings.Carpe Diem from the cradle to the grave and beyond.